It began with or without you. You will not disrupt my peace. You will not rise my blood pressure or cause an anxiety attack leading into a seizure. This time it’s all about me, me, and ME. I made it my business to continuously make others happy forgetting who I was, and how to be happy for myself, by myself. I didn’t ask to be placed in the predicaments I am in, yet here I am. I didn’t ask for help, because when you ask for help, help turns around and throws it in your face. I did it with minimum to none. No one understood, because it wasn’t them. No one understood because nothing chronically happened, and just when I thought about giving up, something tapped me on my shoulder and said you are noticed, you are loved, you are a blessing. I never asked to be here, I never asked for half of the things I’m dealing with, yet here I am.
I did a lot of things in search of appreciation, love, forgiveness over things that happened years ago, or things I have no control over. Now I’m doing things in search of myself. I’m finding myself all over again, and if it means a start over, I’m here for it, this time that journey has to be taken alone or I can’t love you correctly, because I’m holding on to somethings that aren’t your fault, and for that self, I truly am sorry. I owe myself a lot, life, visitations, a pat on the back. GUESS WHO IS IN COLLEGE! It doesn’t matter when you’ve graduated high school, it’s always great to further your knowledge. A book or three just wasn’t enough for me. I wanted expansion in the knowledge of area I progress in daily. Having a business and a llc isn’t easy if you don’t fully understand the good, and the bad. Why not have a degree for it?
College is AMAZING! Best step forward I could have taken, for myself, by myself. If you aren’t proud already, someday you will be, or I don’t know what to tell you… I love my teachers, I love the fact that I’m always ahead in the game; and then there’s this third move I chose. I’m coming back stronger than ever, even if it means no sleep. That’s completely fine. You see I have a disability, but that does not make me disabled. It doesn’t stop me from wanting to push forward, did it slow me down? Ofcourse, in the beginning yes it did. Mentally it’s draining remembering whether or not you took this medication and whether or not you could do certain things with your disability, but that never stopped me, and I promise you it won’t. It’s the people who you think aren’t watching, who actually are, that matter the most. The people who been there since day one, and ofcourse those who took time for themselves to make sure they can be the greatest they can be for you, now it’s my turn. If I held my head down, those cheering from behind, yet frowning from behind because they aren’t in my position would be happy, very happy. I couldn’t let that happen, I can’t, and I won’t.
Literaturebyjessc – Jessica Hunter 💜
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