That Lil’ Love Story

(Part 1)

I guess it’s true, you don’t really know what you’ve got until it’s gone, in some cases you don’t know who you’ve had until they’re gone. She was mine before she was his. I mean we still cool and all, now, a whole two years later. Who ever she’s fuckin’ now is one lucky nigga, if you know what I mean. I don’t know about doing that all over again though. It was back in November five years ago, I had just met her for the first time and by the end of December, she was already mine.
The elks used to do this lil’ open mic night shit every Friday. I don’t usually attend, but this one particular Friday, Mike came and snatched me up saying the drinks was on him. Anything free sound to me. I didn’t know who we was going down there for, but Mike never liked to “pop out” alone, and that night I surely didn’t let him. We got there kind of early, people were still coming through the door. You might think I’m crazy for remembering things word for word, but that’s what happens when you come across something so special.
“You got this sis!” I heard Mike cheering some broad on.
It was funny ‘cause Mike was the type to dog a female’s name. I was over at the bar tryna get me a drink or three. I caught her face, but I ain’t catch her name.
“Who dat?” questioning Mike before he could approach me.
“Damn bruh, can I sit down?” he laughed. “You don’t know her, she not from out here.”
“I don’t care where she from, I’m tryna get to know her.” I laughed.
“You’ll find out yourself.”
Later on that night, the show begin and people started rapping and spitting verses from their poems and what not. That same pretty face I seen an hour ago was right one stage singing. Given the town that we were in, I was surprised that she didn’t introduce herself as nothing ratchet. Ja’myah was her name. Ja’myah Humphrees. Sing? That girl can sang. You could tell she was hurt before by the way she sung that Keyshia Cole song.

(Part 2)

She sung her lil’ song and then came down and turned up with me and Mike. She wasn’t really like every other female who would probably be throwing herself across the both of us, but more casual, and presented herself with class.Between smokin’ and drinkin’ all night I was too tired, and I had work the next morning. Told Mike hit me when he got home cuz he obviously ain’t plan on leaving no time soon, and I caught a cab.
‘Bout two days later I seen shorty update a Facebook status. I ain’t even know I had her on facebook until I seen that pretty face across my timeline. I’ve actually had her as a friend for some years and just never personally knew her. You know how people be adding people on facebook just because ya’ll have a lot of mutual friends. So It slid up in her dms like this, sweet talked her like that, and got them digits.
“You were really good the other night, I haven’t heard talent that well in this town in such a long time!” I texted her. I wasn’t lying, she really had a voice. She responded with less confidence than I expected.
“You really think so?”
I decided to call her, I didn’t have much to say, I just wanted to hear her voice. I didn’t expect her to answer, but she answered after two rings, not three.
“Hello. . .” I stuttered, “My bad for calling so late or whatever, I figured it’s better to talk on the phone, than to text.”
“It’s not even that late, is nine o’clock your bedtime? How are you?” she laughed.
I went into detail of how I should’ve better introduced myself the night I first saw her, and how lucky I was to have found her on Facebook. We did all that weird shit you do on the phone with somebody you like. Facetime just to stare at each other, listen to each other breathe. Then finally she asked if I was coming to this week’s open mic night.

(Part 3)

“Can I take you for a bite to eat before?” answering her question back with a question.
“You payin?” she laughed. “Heck yeah I’m coming. Sike nah I’m not ratchet or anything, I don’t want you to get that impression, but yeah I’ll go.”
Would you believe two open mic nights later she found others to work with as far as expanding her career? I had the privilege of hearing and watching her work over the next month because she had finally become mine. She got bigger over the next couple of months , singing at every club, party, and church in town and recording her music. Ja’myah had become so focused and determined, that she blocked her personal life from herself, if that makes any sense. I worked this lil’ 7-3, 9-5 job, but did all I could when it came to supporting her. Helped her promote herself, and attended almost each event. I’d sometimes leave early because I’d be tired and ready to prepare for work the next day.
A couple of weeks back, I told Ja’myah that I had to work the night of one of her events and would not be able to attend. I usually tried to attend each event given the fact that she needed that support, but I was scheduled from 3-11 that night. Business was slow, and I ended up getting sent home. I call myself tryna surprise Ja’myah, so I hurried home to shower. I didn’t want to ride alone so I figured, lemme call mike.
“Where you at my boy?”
“On my way down to open mic night, where you at?” He replied.
“On my way down there too, was gonna come scoop you, but I guess I’ll meet you down there.”
“Bet.” He hung up.
I got there just before Ja’myah’s performance. Wayne introduced her to the stage, and out she came singing Aaliyah’s “I miss you”. It wasn’t what she had on that caught my eye, or that beautiful face as usual, but who she was singing to.

(Part 4)

I knew I knew this nigga from somewhere, it was her ex, Al-quadir. She sang the hell out that song, and I let her. She ain’t know I was there just yet, so she must do shit like this when she thinks I’m not there all the time, I thought to myself.

“Omg I’m so sorry!!” Ja’myah blurted out.

Embarrassed? The crowd turned and looked at me before I could even make my way towards the door. I ain’t say nothing. What was there to say? I was still stuck in the moment that something like this happened to me of all people. What would you have done? I wanted to choke the shit out this nigga, but shit wasn’t even his fault, all she was doing was just singing to him from the stage, I thought to myself again. I walked out and as I did, Mike had the nerve to try to grab me to calm me down. Usually most guys hit each other with that “Fuck that bitch, on to the next,” but because Mike really fucked with Ja’myah as well, he hit me with that “She’s drunk, don’t pay that shit no mind. I know how she really feel about you.” I wasn’t tryna hear none of that shit though, shrugged him off my shoulders, and went on home to roll up and think about what the fuck had just happened.

As I’m rollin’ up, she walks through the door, and you’d think she’d still be tryna apologize. Nah, shorty got right on into bed and proceeded to sleep.

“Is you fuckin’ serious?” I questioned, building with anger.

“I’ve apologized Jamal, what more do you want me to do?” she replied. “I’m a singer, I have to make my appearance and stage performances interesting.”

I lit that blunt, it was either that or smack her.

(Part 5)

What made me stay with the bitch? I couldn’t tell you. We all make “mistakes” I guess. Like that time me and Charee linked up. Charee was my first love. I guess it’s true what they say. “Your first love will always be there for you,” cause soon as I posted “I’d take physical pain over mental any day,” she was right up in my mom’s driveway. I was real life hurt, and my head was literally all over the fuckin’ place. We smoked over the next couple of hours and caught up a bit. Shit felt weird as hell ‘cause the one who I hurt before was watching me hurt by someone else. As petty as we used to be in the start of our new relationships, she was actually there for me and I couldn’t figure out why.

“Why you so helpful?” I questioned, skeptical of her emotions.

“Nigga that shit in the past, plus you wouldn’t even believe me if I told you.”

During our relationship, we split because I didn’t want to ruin any of her career opportunities. Charee wanted to be a doctor so bad and that’s what she was going to college for. I was afraid that she’d get too distracted and it’d be my fault. I should’ve just stuck to her side and gave her the needed support. After our breakup, she met some nigga who acted as if I couldn’t have her back. Posting on social media, mentioning my name in his sites, not knowing that for a lil’ while after our breakup, I was still tappin’ that, so I kept quiet. Mhm, go on and talk ya mess.

“Me and him split after you really stopped giving a fuck. Seemed as though he was only in it to make you jealous, and once he noticed you stopped giving a fuck, so did he. Ended up leaving’ me for some lil’ fast girl, and got her pregnant. You can go ahead and laugh now,” she smirked.

“Laugh? Why would I do that?” I questioned, knowing damn well I wanted to say “I told you so,” ‘cause I did tell her.

“Because you used to always try to tell me how he wasn’t for me and such, and now look at my dumb ass.”

“We live and we learn though, things happen and make you a better person than the day before.”

*It was an awkward silence for about two minutes*

“When tf did you start smokin’?”

(Part 6)

“It was bound to happen,” she laughed.

 

(Part 7)

I had high blood pressure very bad, and wasn’t supposed to get overly excited or else I could be riding in an ambulance. But, with the way I had it, if I even thought about something, I’d faint. Sure enough all that hootin’ and hollerin’ knocked me right on out. I woke up to my mom giving me water. She knew how often me and Ja’myah had been arguing, but she also knew how much I loved her. A nurse came in to remind me about staying calm and staying on top of my meds.

“We are gonna send you home on your normal dosage of medication Jamal. Please try to follow-up with your primary physician. Your health is more important than anything else!” nurse Nancy enforced. She had been my nurse since seven years ago when I was first diagnosed with high blood pressure. I was discharged to the waiting room where Ja’myah sat waiting for me.

“Please come home, you really buggin’ for nothing,” she cried.

I walked right past her, slid in the car with mom dukes, and we pulled off.

*Later on that night*

I layed in bed you know tryna stay calm and well rested scrollin’ through my phone. In my mind, I was gonna receive more texts and calls beggin’ to talk and come home, but nah I ain’t get nothing. Just my mother yellin’ “You took ya medicine?” I ended up staying a few days at my mom’s house, giving myself some time to relax and Ja’myah to miss me, which she obviously did. When I finally came home and through the door she held me so tight. With her, you never know what the fuck she’s thinking because she doesn’t talk or express herself. She didn’t say anything for a while.

“I missed you,” she smiled.

(Part 8)

But I ain’t say nothing, I just held her.

“I missed you too?” she said sarcastically, rollin’ her neck.

“Yea I missed you too,” still stuck in thought.

For some reason, that night she was all mine. Everything I wanted had finally happened. Shorty wanted to do this and that, that and this, even topped me off and ain’t even wanna smash. I held her that night while she slept on my chest sleeping like she ain’t slept in years, and I just watched her all night. Played through her hair and rubbed her face, then my phone vibrated. That number across my screen was the same number across my screen days ago.

“I need you,” the text read.

“Do I answer? It’s 3am and she texting me saying she need me” I thought to myself. It was Charee. I looked down at Ja’Myah sound asleep.

*Five minutes passed*

“I was there for you, but you couldn’t be there for me?” the second message read.

Shit had me feeling guilty both ways. So I changed the contact name, kept strokin’ Ja’myah hair and replied “You good?”

Just thinking about if Ja’myah wake up, and the argument that would arise. I turned my phone off, and kept holding her.

(Part 9)

*The next morning*

I got up to pee, in the morning I usually sit there scrollin’ through my social media, normal ritual. When I’m done, Ja’myah would come in and do the same thing. This time she was on the phone with an offer to sing at some place I’d see on a flyer tonight on instagram. Soon as I turned my phone on, I seen all different messages and notifications, two names that caught my eye. My boss asking me to come in tonight, and three messages from Charee.

“Couple days ago, he texted some number like “Can you call me?”, because we had gotten into an argument. Instead of talking to me about the situation, he tried doing it elsewhere. I guess he was mad cuz whoever ain’t reply,” it read.

And I’m thinking in my head, she ain’t reply because she was gettin her ass yoked up by me. But I continued to read.

“So you know what I did? Texted my ex like “Yo can we talk” because he is famous for going through my phone when he thinks i’m not aware.

“What ya’ll was arguin about this time? You always stressin’ and go right back.” I replied, got up, whipped my ass, and washed my hands. Walked in the kitchen thinking about what I wanted for breakfast, and Ja’myah had already had my favorite breakfast started.

I walked over and kissed her. “Watchu’ makin’ and hey kyan!”

“Ya favorite, fried egg, and bacon on bread, how many you want?” She asked, standing on her tippy toes to kiss me back.

“2” I replied, grabbing her booty.

I went in the room to get ready for work, and Charee had texted back. Cleared my notifications and continued getting dressed, but something said to check that message, and so I did.

“Smh, I don’t even want to talk about it right now, I’ll pick you up from work?”

She knew I was still working at the same job, except I had become manager.

“You must really be going through some shit,” I replied.

(Part 10)

I threw my headphones in, grabbed my breakfast, and kissed Ja’myah goodbye. The bus usually comes early in the morning, so I left a bit early. I got to work and here go Tiffany gossipin’ already.

“Mhm, watchu was doin’ out with what’s her name?” she questioned.

What’s her name was Charee, when we broke up Charee had came up to the job tryna talk shit out. Then everybody thought I had that powerful lovin’.

“Mind ya business that’s all, just mind ya business,” I said jokingly in my will smith voice.

*later on that day*

Charee ended up picking me up from work. I lit her up and gave her that lil’ pep talk that she needed and told her to drop me off at the crib so I can get dressed for Ja’myah’s open mic night. Which she did, and I jumped in the shower, called Mike, and rolled up. Mike pulled up within 15 minutes, we smoked, and was out the door. When we got to the Elks, this night it was crowded. I seen Charee’s best friend Alicia. Alicia was a comedian and always had to make a joke out of nothing, one of them annoying friends. She ran over and gave me a big hug.

“I see you still short,” she laughed.

“I see you still annoying,” I smirked.

She ain’t waste no time bringing Charee up. “When the last time you seen her?”

“I haven’t since we really stopped messing around,” I lied.

“You know she did say y’all was gonna get back together in 2017, but that was five years ago.”

I laughed and kept it pushin.

Wayne introduced Ja’Myah on stage and out she came singing Dej Loaf’s “Hey There”. And guess who her eyes was pointed at this time…

(Part 11)

Me of course. Better not had been nobody else. That night, I had to take her home and “make love until the sun came”, *dej loaf voice*. The sun came, and Ja’Myah was sound asleep. I got up, made her breakfast, and rolled up. It wasn’t the smell of the breakfast that woke her, but the smell of that DANK! She came and kissed me good morning.

“Morning baby,” she smirked.

That must have been some good lovin’, got her smilin’ like that, yeah I did that, I thought to myself.

“Morning,” I smiled, grabbing her blunt and passing her the blunt. “I was calling Mike to see if he wanted to come through, and got no answer.”

“He prolly still sleep, you know how lit he get.”

We continued smoking and discussing her performance from last night, and then Sincere knocked on the door. He came through once and awhile to play video games and chill.

“What’s good my boy?” I said dappin’ him up.

“How you?” He questioned. “See you in here smokin’ that dank! I’m bout to roll one witchu.”

I laughed and made Ja’myah go grab me something to drink ‘cuz a brutha throat was DRY!

“I see she out here doing her thang.”

“You already, I’m just waiting for her to hit America’s got talent,” I replied.

“Tf Mike at? He usually here by now,” sincere replied.

“I tried to call him and got no response.”

“Shoot he prolly wit that girl he pulled up with last night in an all black bmw.”

All black bmw? I thought to myself. Nah not Charee, my man’s is not fucking my ex.

(Part 12)

“I said something wrong?” Sincere questioned as I sat in complete shock.

By then, Ja’Myah had came back with my drink. “Sincere you thirsty?”

“Nah I’m good, I got my Arizona right here.”

She went back inside to start cleaning and such while I wasn’t all in her way.

“Imma put you on later,” I told Sincere.

Was I wrong for feeling some type of way? How my man’s gon’ just straight up start smashin’ my first love? Did I regain a bit of feeling or what? I ain’t never tell Sincere about the situation, I kept that one to myself. I continued whoppin’ his ass in 2k, after the 3rd game, he got tired.

“Igh bruh imma catch you later,” dappin’ me up with a lil’ attitude.

“Igh bruh, I laughed.”

After sittin’ there for so long, I had to use the bathroom. I went in to do so, but the door was locked. Usually Ja’myah would yell out “I’m shittin'” or “I just got out the shower,” something like that. I ain’t hear nothing, so I twisted the knob again.

“You good?” I questioned.

She opened the door and handed me this lil white stick.

(Part 13)

“Congratulations!” She yelled, hugging me. She ain’t seem that happy though. Me? I was more scared. Was I really ready for this? Didn’t I just question myself of feelings for Charee? Damn.

“Ja’myah we got a lot to talk about,” I said, hugging her back. “We can’t even get ourselves on track relationship wise so, how we gonna manage with a child. This is things we need to start thinking about early before we both get too attached.”

“So you don’t want this?” she questioned, upset.

“I’m not saying that, but do you think we’d be ready for that?”

“I’m willing to work on whatever it takes.”

I looked at her, smiled, and walked off. I had to go smoke something because I just couldn’t believe what just happened. Me, a father? How could it be? I sucked the hell out that mild.

*3 months later*

Ja’Myah and I went for her three-month check-up to make sure everything was alright with the baby.

“Morning baby Mal,” Doctor Pila joked.

“Morning doc, how’s my baby?” Ja’myah questioned.

“Let’s find out!”

He started the ultrasound on my baby’s stomach, and from what I could see, everything was looking good.

“Now because you too are not married, we do paternity test to ensure a safe family situation,” explained Doctor Pila.

We both looked at each other, for what? I don’t know. But I lifted my shirt up, he took my blood, and he took her’s.

(Part 14)

*1 week later*

Doc said my baby was doing fine and that’s all I really cared about. Paternity test? Psh, what was I worried about? Pussy felt the same to me each time I was hittin it, what was I to trip over? It was early, and for some reason this friday morning I was feelin’ right. I guess it was because of that sleep I got last night. I was so tired from work the night before that I ain’t even eat my dinner. I got up to go make me a cup of coffee as I do each morning before work, and checked the mail table. A yellow envelope addressed to  Ja’myah from Dr.Pila was the first thing I saw, laying there unopened.. We both new what was up, so nobody was in a rush to open it, but I did anyway.

“The alleged father is excluded as the biological father of the tested child. This conclusion is based on the non-matching alleles observed at the loci listed above with a PI equal to 0. The alleged father lacks the genetic makers that must be contributed to the child by the biological father. The probability of paternity is 0%.”

What did I just see? I was actually a bit excited about having a first child, and now, it ain’t mine? Wow.

(Part 15)

I got to work and I guess Tiffany could tell I wasn’t bothered because she actually minded her business today. I walked straight to the back to clock in, and started my day. Time was going by fast in UPS. I mean after all, all I was doing was loading boxes on a truck, all day. Usually I take my break with Matt and James, this time I slid off to the car by myself and champed my mild. My phone rang, it was mom dukes.

“Hey baby, how’s my grand baby?”

I ain’t say nothing at first, shit I ain’t know what to say. Ja’Myah and I didn’t want to know the sex of the baby, so we called “our baby”, our little nudders. Mom was doing the baby shower, and everything else she could do because she was so happy to be having a grandchild. Welp.

“The baby alright ma, how you?” I replied, quickly trying to change the subject. She could tell I wasn’t as happy as I was before to be having “my first child.”

“Jamal, baby I’m fine. Is everything okay?” she replied. Sounded as though she was driving, and I don’t hide anything from my mom, so she was going to have to pull over for this one.

“Ma, that baby is not mine.”

I heard her blinker, and then the car shut off. It was a silent pause for about 30 seconds. I swore she was on her way to me to curse me out as if it was my fault.

“Whatchu say?”

“Yup, same thing I said. Member how we went for the check up? The doctor made us take a paternity test which I didn’t think they’d do that. She seemed fine when we was there, like everything was okay so I didn’t think nothing of it. The results been came back, but I never touched ’em because I wasn’t in a rush, that was my baby!” I said, puffing my mild.

“Mal, I was just as excited as you, but smoking that stuff ain’t gonna help. Go handle that situation.”

“What is there to be handled? It ain’t mine Ma’!”

She could tell I was still upset, so she ain’t push as hard. “Okay baby, I’m here when needed,” she sighed.

Told her I loved her, and went on back to work. I noticed a text from Ja’Myah. “Hey baby, I was thinking of doing some pregnancy pics, but where should we do them?”

Pregnancy photos? Me holding the belly with somebody else’s baby? Yea right. Who was the father anyway? Maybe her and Al-Quadir was actually doing more than what I thought. I never even replied, I texted Charee though. “Hey, I’m off in about an hour, you tryna burn?” I didn’t expect her to reply as fast as she did, but she was down. I punched out at exactly three and went straight to the corner store up the street. I pulled up right behind Charee, guess she was going for the same thing I was, a wrap. She already knew when I hit her asking to burn or talk, I really needed to talk.

“Meet me at the spot,” I shouted as she pulled off.

Pulled up to my uncle’s garage, and she hopped in my car. She looked a little thicker than the last time I seen her.

“Damn girl, whatchu was going through something too last time I seen you? You put on some weight.”

“Thanks for rubbin it in Mal, I’m pregnant!” She shouted.

That explains why she wasn’t rolling nothing as fast as she usually does, infact she wasn’t rolling anything.

(Part 16)

Instead of rollin’, Charee passed me that wrap she had just got and what little bit of something she had to put into it. She knew that each time I hit her, I must’ve been going through some SHIT because I haven’t stayed in touch with her since we ended our lil’ foolin’ around, although her family be trying to speak to me through facebook. She sat there watching me roll as if she had somethings on her mind herself, but was waiting for me.

“So, what’s up, what’s going on? Because you don’t EVER hit me,” Charee emphasized.

*puffs*

“Man it’s crazy how life works, you member how you said ol’ boy ended up leaving you and getting someone else pregnant? This bitch had me thinking all the long that the baby she’s carrying was mine. I really love this girl yo, and she kept fucking me over time after time, but this time she really done did it. Ya’ll females always complaining about how niggas ain’t shit or never support y’all, and when you finally get one who can do it all, ya’ll don’t know what to do with him.”

“Well I knew what to do with the one I had years back, but apparently I must’ve been doing too good of a job,” she said sarcastically. “But I understand, that’s fucked up. I can’t even tell you how to handle the situation because everyone handles pain differently. Some people turn that pain into success, like me.You out of all people know what I’ve been through, I can’t say it’s the same type of pain, but pain for females is a lot harder than males in some cases. I started writing, got my own webpage and everything. I’m not saying do that, but don’t let this take over your life, God has a weird way of letting you know when something’s not right for you, and sometimes it has to hurt.”

I sat in deep thought as I puffed again. Either that was some good shit, that was some deep shit she just said, or all of the above. Charee has been through some shit, but that’s nothing compared to a guy about to have his 1st child by someone that he was with for a long time, and find out it’s not even yours. Who else was hittin’ that, and when? I wasn’t even sure I wanted to know.

“You right, everybody does handle pain differently. Like when I was away from my mom for 8 whole years, I worked excessively to get back with her. When I buried two of my most important family members on my birthday, I was fucked up for a minute. I worked excessively some more and became manager at my job. What’s fucked up is that through those rough times, she was there yo. Working excessively ain’t gonna help this one. I been into music lately, you know I’m a party head. Been teaching myself how to DJ and taking notes from others. I think that might be where this pain gonna take me.”

(Part 17)

Charee ain’t say nothing, she just sat, amazed by how well I was trying to express myself. At that time, I didn’t care who was there for me, as long as I had somebody to express myself to.

“Enough about me, wassup with you?” I questioned.

“Well as we discussed before, I’m pregnant..” she stuttered.

I rotated my hands for her to tell me more. “And?”

“Well see it’s really strange how this shit goes. Met this nigga named Mike a few months back at some open mic night at the elks. Now mal, you know I don’t even go out like that. I was there helping my cousin Wayne with collecting cash and such at the door, and in comes this muscular tall ass nigga. When I say fresh to death, I mean fresh to death mal.”

Whole time I’m thinking, my ex-girlfriend is pregnant by my mans, and my girl pregnant with someone else’s baby. Wow.

“Anyway, long story short, we ended up getting each other number. Time went by, he started to ease my mind off Al-Quadir, and now look here I am. What hurt me was how Mike was saying this pregnancy might be a little hard because he has another child he has to grind for. I didn’t want to make his life harder, shit I wasn’t even ready for this myself. How the hell was I gonna tell Al I thought? Psh, he found out before I could even tell.”

The whole time she’s telling the story, I’m listening until she got to the part of Mike having to grind for his other child. Mike ain’t got no kids… What the hell is going on here?!

(pt 18)

“Wait, Mike had another kid?” I questioned, skipping over everything else.

“Had? She’s pregnant, due two months after me, how that happened I don’t know.”

Then I sat and thought some more, Ja’myah is three months pregnant, Charee is five…

“Now how Al found out,” she kept venting, “was this nigga Mike going and telling him during an argument that he fucked me. Made Al realize how to treat a woman, he was mad as heck though.”

All I was thinking about was Mike and this other kid. When? How? Not Ja’Myah yo, I mean they did say it wasn’t mine, so who’s child was it? Charee went on and on venting and I listened because she did the same with me, and then somebody started banging on the garage door.

Too much smoke in my view to see who it really was so I got up and opened the door. Before I could even see clearly..

“Mal, I’m sorry. It was this one open mic night I got excessively drunk and Mike brought me home. You had the keys that night because you took me to work. It was 2am in the morning, he drove me to his crib, and what happened from there I honestly can’t tell you. Usually I have control over my LQ, how that happened, I really don’t know.”

It was Ja’myah, how the hell did she know where I was? I do not know. It was a lot of unanswered questions in the air.

“I turned the share my location on your phone after our last argument because you’ve been acting very distant. I know finding out that what you thought was your first kid isn’t, but what the hell are you doing with her?”

Welp that answered my question, but what was my next move? This bitch just told me she fucked my mans, and this could be his baby. While my ex is pregnant by him as well. Choke Ja’myah? What was the purpose of showing up with that information?

(Ja’myah)

I’m standing here looking at the man I love, hurt by my dumb actions. Why I continue to hurt those that I love? I really don’t know. All I know is pain, all I’ve seen is pain. I just told him the truth of this whole baby situation months later not noticing this bitch Charee. What was he doing with her?

“What’s he doing with me?” What was you doing with Mike?” Charee started. “You do know this is his too right?” she laughed, pointing to her stomach.

“Congratulations! This wasn’t planned for me, now Mal answer me!”
“Thot!” Charee laughed.

“Hoe you got some nerve, last time I checked wasn’t you messin’ with Al-Quadir? How that happen?”

I calmed myself down because I wasn’t tryna upset my baby, and as much as I didn’t care for the girl, I ain’t want nothing to happen to her baby.

“I really can’t believe this shit yo,” mal yelled. “That’s what I get for actually being loyal and caring. My girl to cheat on  me and turn up pregnant with someone else’s baby,” he laughed. “And the one who told me we’d be back together around this year, years ago is pregnant by the same person. What a damn coincidence?”

I ain’t say anything because I actually felt part of his pain. I knew the feeling of being cheated on. I guess that’s why I never really knew how to love so deeply. Should I feel some type of way because he trippin’ over both of us? I turned around to get in the car and pulling up comes his mother.

“How’s grandma’s baby?” She yelled, and she damn sure wasn’t looking at me.

“Ma’ watchu’ talkin’ bout?” Mal questioned.
“I’m talking to Charee. As much as ya’ll been chillin’ lately, I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“Nah Ma’, this stomach been gettin’ big for a while now,” Charee laughed.
“As much as I’ve seen ya’ll together, ya’ll should’ve been had someone together,” Mal’s mother laughed.

(Jamal)
After my mom pulled up, it made me start to think. It’s hard for my mom to get used to and deal with any female I bring around, she’s very protective. When I say very protective, I do mean VERY, but she loved her some Charee. I’d come home sometimes and Charee would be there before me, chillin’ wit my mom. I was so stuck in my thoughts that I missed the whole conversation.
“Mal? What’s this?” Ja’Myah questioned.
“You are in no predicament to question anyone about anything. I’ll see you home when I come grab my things.”
“Really Mal, you serious?”
“I’m dead ass serious,” I yelled. “Matterfact, I need to think, excuse me.”
I hopped in my car and sped off. So many things going through my head and who was I to tell? Who was really there for me while I was there for them? Somehow through my loud music, I was still able to hear my thoughts, and my phone ringing. I took my eyes off the road for one second, one, and then…

(Ja’Myah)
Embarrassed? I just pulled up on my “man” and he was sitting there with his ex. I couldn’t sleep not knowing that Mal wasn’t talking to me. I couldn’t sleep knowing what I had done. I could use some form of support right now. I don’t know what I was thinking, I guess ‘cause he was my baby’s father, but I pulled on up to Mike’s crib and the sensor light came on soon as I touched the driveway. His landlord wasn’t from this way, and was very cautious of everything. I ain’t even get to call Mike and tell him I was outside before I peeped him sitting on the porch champing his mild.

“Myah, what is you doing outside this late?”

“Late?” 1am ain’t even that late. I couldn’t sleep.” I replied. I hadn’t even told him that who I’m carrying was his. How could I? It literally only took that one time and here I am with a big ass sweater on and sweatpants. “Watchu doin’ so late?” I questioned.

“You know I’m used to this time working overnight, this my 15 min smoke break.”

My phone rung before I could get out the car. The number was unknown, who was calling me from a unknown number at 1am? Mal ain’t feelin’ me right now, he’s so stubborn, he’s probably not even thinking of me. If it was important, they’d leave me a voicemail. I proceeded to Mike, each step trying not to hold my back from the lower back pains I was having, each step my mind racing thinking of how to break this news.

“Something wrong witcha back? Why you walking like my boy just bent that?” Mike laughed.

“Heehee,” I replied. Before I could even elaborate, my phone rung some more, and Trey Songz was singing the hell outta that ringtone.

“You must love that ringtone because you just won’t shut it up,” He laughed some more.
If the same number kept calling me, it must be important or something. I finally answered “Hello…” in a discreet tone.

“Yes, Good morning and sorry to bother you at such a early hour,” a hard tone replied on the other side. This mysterious “Mr.” sounded very serious. “Is this Ja’myah Humphrees?” He questioned.

“May I ask who’s calling?” I replied, I wasn’t about to just be giving my name out to anybody.

“Dr.Palasky with JFK hospital,” he replied.

“Omg my mom!” yelling out loud assuming she had passed out again due to high blood pressure. I began crying and put the phone on speaker as Mike walked over to see what was going on.

“We have your boyfriend here in critical condition due to an accident on Route 22. His car apparently flipped over into a ditch. Witnesses called the ambulance immediately.”
I screamed, I cried, I questioned why me as Mal hugged me. My baby moved, it must’ve loved it’s father’s touch.

“We gotta go up there yo,” he said, anxiously. But how would I look popping up at the hospital to see my boyfriend with his bestfriend aka my baby daddy?

*what felt like two days later*

(Jamal)

I could’ve sworn I was riding away blasting music, how did I end up here? Not being able to turn around in a confined area, this annoying beeping every second was so faint in my dreams, and wires, wires attached elsewhere.

*Door creeks*

I heard a very low female voice.

“Good Morning Mr.Thomas, how are you feeling?” It was Nurse Payton. “Do you remember any of this past week?”

“Feeling? I have no feeling.”

She flipped the cover towards my foot. “You were in a very bad car accident causing the nerves in your spinal cord to become severely damaged. What I am going to do is take my pen and rub at points, and you will tell me what you can and can not feel.”
I was too drugged off medication to understand what she was saying. All I knew was I could not feel my legs.
“My name is Nurse Payton, and I will be one of your main nurses here during your stay.”
Stay? Nah, Mom dukes or somebody was finna come get my ass. I don’t do hospitals, and I was not about to be nobody’s guinea pig. She took the pen and rubbed it up and down my foot gently first, and then harder each time asking what I was able to feel.
“Can you feel that?” She asked, poking at the center of my foot.
“No,” I replied. It hasn’t hit me that I’d be paralyzed. Who was going to take care of me? Mom got a nice lil’ job to keep that nice crib. As deep of a thought as that should’ve been, it didn’t even matter much, I was too high off that medication. I had a few questions for Nurse Payton, and just as I fixed my lips to ask one, my door busted open with so many knocks.
“Ohmygod baby are you okay?!” Yelled my mom, filling the air with worry. “What happened? If you were tired, drunk, or whatever, you should’ve stayed with me!” She cried some more as nursed tried to calm her down. Unable to have any feeling or emotion, I just watched her.
“Ma’am your son was involved in a terrible accident and is very blessed to be alive. However, the nerves in his spinal cord are severely damaged,” Nurse payton explained. “Give me a few minutes, I’ll be right back with his medication.”
Out she walked, and in came Ja’Myah. Oddly enough, I was happy to see her.

(Ja’Myah)

Two days later and I finally get to see my whatever you wanna call him. They were afraid that I’d over panic seeing him in the condition that he was in with me being pregnant and all. Walking through these doors with Mike who doesn’t even know I snitched on myself, but I couldn’t hold back especially after what the results said.

“Mike, I really don’t think you should enter at the same time as me, at least wait a bit,” I tried convincing him, but he wasn’t having that.

“I gotta see my boy yo!”

Jamal had already seen me come through the door, but he ain’t know what was taking me so long to come in.

“Myah what you waiting for?” Mal questioned.

Mike pushed me aside, “Yo, what up my boy, you good?”

Mal looked as if he didn’t know whether to answer back or unplug his life and run up on him.

“I’m good, gonna always be good, but bro fr?”

Mike froze, all confused. “Of course, you know I had to make it up here for my boy, you know how we do.”

“But we don’t fuck each other’s girlfriend do we? If that’s the case, I would’ve been caught Jas shit when she kept tryna throw it back.”

“Jas throwing it back?” I butted in.

*1 month later*

(Jamal)

Doctors said if I’d be able to walk again, it’d be a while, as of right now, I’m paralyzed. After finding out Ja’myah’s child wasn’t mine, I could barely look her in her eyes knowing how faithful I was to her, and that child wasn’t mine. My heart really declared Charee, but Ja’Myah had taken my mind off that. Ironically, each time something was up with Miyah and I, Charee would always seem to be around. By the time I could finally admitt my love towards her, she was pregnant, by Mike at that. How could I not know that Mike had fucked my ex and my girl and was still up in my face. My phone vibrated and Mom walked in with my meds.

“Look who’s finally awake,” she she smiled.

“I’ve been awake Ma’, just laying here watching tv. I’ve never really got to say thank you with all that’s been going on, I honestly don’t know where I’d be without you. Charee and Ja’myah really took over my mind.” I thanked her, tearing up.

“Oh baby don’t worry, I don’t know where I’d be had you not be here with me today. You’re all I got right now besides Grandpa, I haven’t really been able to date since becoming a single mom. I promised myself, nobody else till my baby boy was on his own, and look, you left, and I still haven’t settled down. It’s nothing wrong with being single, maybe you need this.”

“I needed it alright. Wasn’t nothing wrong with Charee and I, I just didn’t wanna be the cause of a mess up in her career, God forbid if anything was to happen, she was so focused. But she always made time for me, and included me in her focus.”

“Here you go baby,” she said, setting my meds down with water.

I was scheduled to be released tomorrow by 12pm with weekly visits to my therapist in about 2 weeks for the next couple of months or so. I laid in bed, gazing out the window, pondering on my next movement in life which apparently wasn’t gonna be much. All of a sudden I could hear on and off beeps with a scream of pain so loud, heaven could hear it. My room door was closed shut, but as soon as I turned, I could see the sweat dripping from Charee’s hair as the doctors rushed her through the hallway and through the next door.

I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t utter any words. As drugged up as I was, all I could do was look in slow motion.

“Get her out, get her out,” she screamed.

Mom loved that girl so much that she went on down the hall to make sure everything was okay. Where was Mike? I took a nap thanks to them meds and didn’t even realize people were walking in and out of my room. I awoke to my sister, brother, and stepmom.

“Why ya’ll ain’t say ya’ll was coming?” I asked.

“Your siblings wanted to surprise you,” my stepmom answered. “We didn’t want to wake you, so we sat as quiet as possible, shoot we just came up here bout 10 minutes ago.”

Before I could say anything further, my brother butted in, “I’d like you to meet your little nephew, Jayson Edward Harris,” tilting a car seat my way.

It was so much going on at the moment that all I could do was smile, and that’s all I did. Minutes went by before I realized that even though it wasn’t my baby, God had still blessed my family with one, my nephew.

I stared at Jayson, given he had my middle name, I was so in love. So small and wiggling in the car seat. Cheeks so chubby, feet so small, that was supposed to be me having a child and shit. I’m supposed to be naming my lil’ one Jamal Edward Jr., but I ain’t trippin’.

“How old is he?” I asked Quan as he placed him in my arms. Jaquan was his real name, but nobody called him that. I had four brothers and sisters and we all started with J’s.

“1 month,” he smiled back.

“When was you gon’ tell me you had knocked someone up?”

“I believe the correct term is impregnated,” Samantha butted in.

Quan and Samantha had been together for five years, she was so deep in the family, something like my sister.

“Shut-up,” I laughed. “You know what I meant.”

Lil’ Jayson started crying, Samantha said it was time for him to eat, and just as she grabbed him, my mom walked in, always ready to snatch up somebody child; and that’s exactly what she did.

“Hey Damma baby,” she smiled as Samantha passed her the bottle.

(Ja’Myah) * self consciencely *

They say stress can harm you and the birth of your baby, but no matter how hard I tried, stress never left my side. I’m finally starting to appreciate who I had when it’s too late, and maybe all of this is my fault. Now that we’ve found out my lil’ munchkin ain’t his, I know for a fact he ain’t gonna wanna stay with me.

*Tamar braxton- “All the way home” fades in*

I figured when Mal comes home, he’s prolly gonna wanna stay with his mom and he might not even wanna see me. So here I am riding up to the hospital to see him one more time.

*pulls up and checks in*

“Good morning, I’m here to see Jamal Harris please?”

The receptionist starred at me confused.

“I thought his girl was here already, she just had her baby and asked to go see him, so I thought it was his, but I’ll take you.”

She seemed as if she was just waiting for a fight or something to happen. She escorted me to his room where she knocked two times upon entering.

“Mr.Harris, you have a visitor.”

“Visitor?” He sounded confused. “Come in.”

I didn’t know what I had gotten myself into, but I was sure it was some shit.

I walked in to him holding Charee’s baby. I wasn’t sure how to feel, that was supposed to be my baby, but this ain’t even his baby I’m carrying. I tried being nice out of respect for our current situations.

“Congratulations Charee, she’s adorable,” I Smiled.

“Thanks,” she replied, cutting all conversations short.

“What’s her name?”

“Joy Charee Harris,” Mal butted in.

Harris? I thought to myself, didn’t me and her just find out that we having a baby by the same dude? It wasn’t the right place to go further asking, so I left it at that.

“Well Mal, how you feelin’?”

“Whatchu’ care for?” He replied in a smart tone.

I knew he was hurt and would be tough against me, I just didn’t expect for him to show out now.

“You know, maybe it’s best I leave,” heading towards the door.

“I’m so thankful you’re willing to adopt baby Joy,” I faintly heard Charee say. And if I wasn’t hurt or thinking about my actions before, I damn sure was now.

(Mal)

*thinking to self*

“Charee really asked me to adopt this baby. Why didn’t she keep Mike’s lastname?”

*baby joys starts crying*

“She’s so beautiful,” I smiled, passing her to Charee. “She needs her diaper changed.”

A knock at the door was so faint, and for once in this past moment, I didn’t want to see a Nurse. I knew I’d be leaving soon.

“Come in,” I answered.

“Mr.Harris, how are we feeling today?” Nurse Payton asked. “Ready to go home?” Shuffling my discharge papers.

“I’m okay, how are you? You don’t seem so happy to be leaving us today.”

“Still in pain, but I’m doing better,” signing papers.

“Well, I’m going to wheel you on down to your Mom who is waiting in the emergency parking lot. I’ll be right back, let me place these papers in your file, sounds good?”

“Sounds good,” I replied.

I never told my mom I was getting discharged today, and she never called or texted me yet, unusual.

“Can I hold her once more?” I asked Charee.

“Ofcourse,” she smiled, passing Joy over.

As I looked into Joy’s eyes, I still seen Mikes face, but it was still my heart I was holding. I looked into her tiny eyes as she twitched her mittens off, she had such a pretty smile, just like her mom. Nurse Payton was entering, so I gave Joy back to Charee.

“Facetime me when you’re settled,” Charee whispered in my ear, kissing me on my cheek.

Oddly enough, I still hadn’t heard from my mother. As my nurse is reminding me about my medications, all I’m thinking is how this recovery is going to go. We get to the first floor, I glanced out those Emergency room doors, and it was Ja’Mayah’s car, with my mom in the driver’s seat.