Throughout life, I always chased what I didn’t need or what wasn’t good for me, in hopes that I could change that situation. Growing up chasing my dad to be in my life because that’s every child’s dream to have both parents, and the more I chase, the more he ran. Don’t get me wrong, he’s apologized thousands of times now that I’m older, but then I did it again. This time I didn’t understand why I kept running after people, personally, thinking that it’s them I needed, or some form of comfort to push forward, when all the long, the person I was really looking for was myself.
Loosing someone as a friend or in a relationship helps you to understand that as much as you think you “need” this person, maybe you don’t. What’s your favorite color? Favorite food? “What’s your past so I can better your future?” I believe that every friendship/relationship if it’s real is supposed to be a form of team work, not you feeling alone, doing everything alone without support is really hard. Often times, I tend to hurt myself by continuing to deal with things that may not be good for me because I was so used to chasing what wasn’t good for me in life, and it never came, and I never stopped til’ I got it. & No I’m not talking bout drugs.
These past couple of years, I seen myself progress into something that wasn’t for me, and I’ve since then been trying to better myself. My mentality is a lot different being constantly misunderstood and fucked over, taking a lot of medications is hard, especially with the emotions it brings, and the unknown causes of why things happen could be a lot stressful, because it’s like “what’s next?”, I wasn’t like this before so what happened? You’ll never fully feel what someone is going through until you walk in their shoes, what could be minor to you, may be major to someone else. You just don’t give up on somebody like that.
As I stared at my cousins play, and each time I see my cousin call with her baby, and just knowing that can’t be me in a few years is like damn yo. Others could say I’m on here just telling my business, no. Although I don’t know how to express myself, or handle certain things, I would never want for someone who’s going through the same to feel alone. There are things you can do to overcome everything. Stress kills, I’ve already been in that predicament to where it nearly killed me. Never let anything or anyone over power you to where you just feel alone, if someone doesn’t understand you, find somebody that does.
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